I mentioned the other day the main inspiration that got me into blogging in the first place… my man Jimmy! There are other things I like about blogging. It’s sort of like a personal journal but you share with the world… or at least I do… or at least I plan to. Speaking of sitting at my computer I have many different websites I frequent when I am wasting time online. I particularly enjoy forums with back and forth discussion on topics of interest to me. Probably the ones I frequent the most, in no particular order, are:
Bogleheads.org – Financial focused website
Early-retirement.org – Life topics
Collectors.com – Sports talk forums
Flyertalk.com – Travel reward program talk
Tuggbbs.com – Timeshare discussion
Biggerpockets – Real estate forum
At times in my life there might be others… like back in the day when I wanted to, and did in fact, buy a Porsche I frequented Rennlist.com A LOT and for many years before finally buying one. My foray into Porsche ownership will definitely get it’s own blog… or horror show!? Yes, it looked good but if you buy a used Porsche… buyer beware… the cost of purchase is one thing and the cost to keep it on the road is a whole different ballgame!
To quote Grandma Susan, Oy vey! Actually, speaking of Grandma Susan, she was about 98 at the time I got it and I vividly remember calling her from my new convertible and her saying, “oh how fun. I had a few convertibles. You’ll enjoy it for a year or so and then sell it….” I was flabbergasted that she would think my precious convertible wasn’t something I would have forever… and then about a year later I sold it. Dang, she knew A LOT about a lot!
On most of these websites I post under a pseudonym. I don’t generally post under my real name and start sharing too much personal info. That is, I do NOT start saying here’s how much I make, here’s how much we have invested, here’s who I voted for, etc…. Living under a pseudonym I generally feel more free to share personal stuff though I have long tried to avoid being a troll and have long tried to avoid getting into online arguments… not to say I am perfect on either account but always improving.
That’s probably a whole blog for another day right!? Why is it we feel more comfortable sharing with strangers than our closest friends sometimes?
So, back to the topic at hand… recently I was on one of the above webpages and noted a private message from another user. He had seen my post about leaving the high income legal career life for the part-time usher job and asked for details about what I was doing. I told him and encouraged him to try it out part-time.
He then sent me a message which hit me deeply because that’s my whole thing. He said:
“Based on your earlier posts, I think we might be in the same profession (law) and I’m in awe of a partner who would leave their salary to do the part-time (non-legal) job. I’m around 15 years behind you, at a salary much less than your partner salary, and a much, much smaller NW. You’re the only person who I know left the profession to do what they do now, and really respect what you have done — I hope to be like you someday!”
Look, I am not going to lie and act like I just went from $495/hr to $11.75/hr one day and that’s that. I didn’t just flip a switch. I didn’t just get burnt out and quit one day. Obviously there is way more to it. We had a lot of very good income years, lived below our means our whole lives, had some good luck with investments, and in recent years have slowly scaled back at the law office so I am still making a pretty good paycheck… just not what I used to make.
My goal is not to misrepresent anything here like it’s easy or an easy choice. I know we are in a fortunate position to have the options we have but… I truly appreciate his words. I should add, and this is definitely a post or five, for another day that the traumatic stress caused my mom’s sudden death definitely intensified my workplace stress and made me question why I went to the office for those long hours every day, checked email until the lights went off, and started checking email at 4 or 5 the next morning….
Let me clearly also say that there are still days I question myself. Yes, at times I do wonder if I am a complete moron for leaving that big paycheck behind but I truly feel SO MUCH BETTER now and am genuinely a happier person. My stress level is close to zero these days… except when I get an email or phone call about some work issue – unhappy client for example. While they know I am not their primary contact they do sometimes reach out to me if the current attorney is not being as responsive as they would like or something along those lines. I have always hated having an unhappy client so it ratchets my heart rate up quick!
Or occasionally I’ll hear a story about an attorney pursuing a bogus case, aggressively, and am reminded about a few of the attorneys I was aware of who gave the profession a bad name, made things personal, and were fighters more than counselors. Yuck! Get’s my blood boiling remembering some stuff I witnessed and/or heard about. Then, of course, there are day to day stresses when you are the owner of a law firm that I don’t deal with anymore which is a huge relief. Though lawyers don’t always think about it but a law firm is a business and a law firm has all the headaches of any business plus other unique ones. With most of that in the past, in simple terms, MY LIFE IS WAY BETTER NOW!
I mentioned to my new online friend that I was writing a book and a lot of that book was about my life change. He then said to me:
“Please let me know when your book is available for purchase! I would love to read it. If I may ask, how did you handle the identity shift? Your post caught my eye because while I do not have your salary, I often think about what I’d do if I were to reach FI. I think about working at Trader Joes or the like for the health insurance, providing structure to the day, and the “leave it at work” aspect of the job. That said, I can hear the internal “you were a lawyer and now work at Trader Joes?!” voice in my head, and future me answers that dialogue by saying “Being a lawyer allowed me to work at TJs.”
For those that don’t know “FI” means financial independence.
The identity shift is a real thing though. I replied to him honestly and said at first I still hung on to “I am a lawyer” when people asked what I did but I didn’t, and still don’t, generally volunteer that info when working at the stadium. However, in social settings when people ask what I do I sometimes say “I work at the stadium as an usher” and sometimes say “I am a mostly retired lawyer.” I suppose I haven’t made that shift until I only talk about the usher thing or merely say “retired.” I am working on that identity shift still… though, in all honesty, I don’t put that much weight into the lawyer thing in my brain. It’s partially just what I am accustomed to calling myself. Ok, so work in process….
Being an attorney was my identity for 30 years… and in a way for 3 years before that during law school. It’s been who I am for a long time. Law school is 3 years of hell and when you come out you’re feeling a bit full of yourself… especially if you have a stroke of luck and pass the California bar on the first attempt – still don’t know how that happened – but anyway, point is it was my identify for a long time and it was engrained! I am not embarrassed by being a stadium usher at all but I will admit I probably pick and choose my identity answer depending on the situation. Saying I am “retired” or even “semi-retired” feels funny in my mid-50’s I almost have a harder time with that one rather than saying “I work at the stadium.” I like to think I don’t care what other people think but I do… if at least a little bit.
I suppose this is a work in process. I will keep working on who I am….
–CabanaJohn, the semi-retired attorney/stadium usher/blogger/husband/father/slash/slash/etc….
P.S. Any old people still wondering what IRL is – that means in real life. That’s your text abbreviation lesson for the day!
